You’re so lucky, you’re so young

Yeah, I’m young, but I don’t exactly feel lucky, when, their was a good chance I could be starting hormones this week, but, guess what? My enzymes are too high, so I have to figure out what’s causing it. Whether it be genetics or a benign tumor on my pituitary gland. So. Explain how I’m lucky when I don’t even know when, or if I’ll be able to start hormones. And, you know what, fuck age. Their are people younger than me, who’ve already started hormones, already got their name changed, and already had top surgery. People my age, who you would swear, were cis-gendered. (cis gender is someone who identifies with the gender they were born with, mentally, physically) so. How exactly am I lucky? People who’re older than me, probably at least could start when they damn well pleased. And me? I’ve been seriously thinking about this for at least the past two years. Two years of my life, I’ve been trying to accept the gender that I actually am. The real me. And, now that I’ve finally accepted that, guess what I have to do, wait. It fucking sucks. So, don’t tell me, oh, you’re so young, it doesn’t make me feel any better. It hurts so bad to look in the mirror and see someone else looking back at me. I would give anything for the day when I could actually see myself in the mirror, and the world could see me for who I am too.